you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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