So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
