I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
