Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
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They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
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Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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