He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
