dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
