she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
please come you make the beer taste better
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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