Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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