So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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