508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
