You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Randomize
