puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
