I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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