nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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