There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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