The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
