it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
