I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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