the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
