he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Actions speak louder than pants.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
