I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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