Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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