What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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