I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
