I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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