I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
