No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
