oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
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what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
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Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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