Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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