Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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