people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
