At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
