Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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