definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
