eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize