i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
