i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
