At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
People in love make me want to vomit
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
