Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
