Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
