Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
