Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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