it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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