ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
