how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize