i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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