She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
