Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
