Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
