I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
