Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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