And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
