i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
