I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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