Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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