how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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