Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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