he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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