no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
