I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
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so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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