Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
