I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
