I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
