I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
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I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize