Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
