You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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