After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
