Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
stop calling my apartment porn island.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
